Hey! You know what’d be edgy? A picture, of, like, an underwear-clad girl all covered in blood and bruises and such, but she’s like smiling at the camera and saying sorry? Makes you think, right?
Or, right, we could do a thing about DEATH TO FAGS, right, and it’d have all these pics of gay guys getting lynched, but actually it’s like an anti-smoking thing? Yeah! Like, ironic? You know. Edgy. Makes you think, yeah.
Or like how about we run a series of fashion photos with all like pictures of beautiful women, but they’re all in the poses of famous women committing suicide? You know, like Sylvia Plath and that Virginia Woolf what I learned about in GCSE English? We could have Plath in front of an oven and Woolf walking into a river, right, but they’d all be in like Jenni Kayne shoes and Morgenthal Frederics glasses. Because, like, edgy? Makes you think, right?
Hipsters don’t do banter. It’s far too dull and oafish and mainstream. They do “edginess”. Edginess! It’s great, being edgy. You can challenge the preconceptions of the, like, buttoned-down masses! You can shock us all out of our complacent little worlds and show us what’s all real! And what’s really great is that if someone gets offended by your searing edginess, you can just go: hey man, being edgy over here. Haven’t got time for your bourgeois conventions. Too busy throwing my reality bombs. Like, lighten up.
They’re not like the banter-loving pond-dwellers gurgling thickly at Tim Lovejoy. The Edgy are holding up a mirror to your twisted face, man. Don’t think it’s particularly funny, making suicide look glamorous? Well, you’d better get used to it, because the Edgy aren’t afraid of causing a little offence if it achieves – I dunno, something! Like, whatever. It’s a metaphor, right?
So yeah! I can be as staggeringly offensive as I like, because I’m edgy. I’m a self-facilitating media node. If you’re offended by it, it just shows that you’re not as cool as I am. Just ask Sugar Ape – I’m sorry, Vice magazine.
Truly, edginess is the banter of the ironic middle classes.